we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
