I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
