ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
