its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
