just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
