remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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