Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
