I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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