Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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