Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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