I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
