i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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