I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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