Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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