The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
