Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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