If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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