That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
