i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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