we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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