So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
