were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
