He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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