I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
