Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There r osticjed everywhere
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize