i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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