Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Houston, we have a squirter
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
