I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
