bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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