I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
