How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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