Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
