Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Floor bacon is actually really good
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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