Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
