erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
