Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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