i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
