A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
