I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
