I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
