You work out of a Hotel?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
