Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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