I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you had me at cake vodka
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
