He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.