just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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