Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.