hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no, he came in my armpit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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