There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.