We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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