Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
