our cab driver is having phone sex.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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