I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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