hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
