I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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