OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
