I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
