Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
