when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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