i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
