He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
