It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
