after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
