Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
