If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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