Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize