My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
