I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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