So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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