Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
