Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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