Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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