If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
