The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
