Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
