And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
